Motivation

A few weeks ago I decided to attempt to create a mentoring program in a local community. With help from many wonderful people, we got the paperwork in by the deadline. This afternoon I received a phone call that will shape my direction for the next year at the very least. The powers that be are giving my program a chance. They have requested some clarification of a few points but pending the receipt of satisfactory clarification, they have given my project the go-ahead.

A little history: when I was first presented the opportunity to work with this agency in a different capacity, I flat out refused. In fact, it was only by the good graces of my friends that I was allowed to work with this agency at all, as I stubbornly refused to consider them earlier. Out of reluctance has come one of the most meaningful connections I have made thus far in my path. I started to realize that I believe in the work this agency is doing. I found myself wanting to continue to support them, even in a small way.

My motivation is not to help the agency, the agency is capable of helping itself. My motivation is the people who rely on this agency. The local community, the surrounding neighborhood, the many faces who show up to events or to chat or take a class. I'm beginning to realize that my primary motivation for everything is not some abstract theory or moral ground, it's the people. I want to work to help people and thus help society as a whole. It's a good feeling.

A New Direction

Seems like I spend a ton of time venting in various places. Life is stressful, everyone knows that. Everyone needs to vent, that's great. What I need is someplace for me to start putting my other ideas down. My mind is rarely quiet but sometimes it's hard to get past all the whining.

People who know me have said that I am a leader. Sometimes I feel like a huge fraud. I think we all do to some extent. It is intimidating to have people respect and have faith in you. Especially when you can't seem to have faith in yourself.

Today, I need to take my "Fake it till you make it" attitude a tiny step further. I am making it, I am doing things I never in my life thought possible. This space will be for putting my ideas down, both the impossible and the probable. Someone once told me that not having a way to make things work has never stopped me before. May those words remain true.